5 Out-of-This-World Mother’s Day Gifts That Will Arrive on Time
A Nice Dinner Aboard an Intergalactic Space Cruise Though most moms these days are no strangers to cross-universe travel, they’re usually...
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Staff Writer
May 8
Breaking: Malort Revealed to Be Alien Rocket Fuel
CHICAGO - Jeppson’s Malort, the infamous liqueur that’s been a Chicago tradition since the 1930s, has been found to actually be an...
Staff Writer
May 8
Man in Black Longs for Pop of Color
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - A government agent whose identity, department, title and location have all been redacted expressed dismay today...
Staff Writer
May 8
Extraterrestrial Can’t Stress Enough How Hard It Is to Fly a Disk
OUTER SPACE - Citing Hollywood’s penchant for exaggerating the truth for ease of storytelling, a verified extraterrestrial flying disc...
Staff Writer
May 8
Portland ‘Man’ Suspiciously Gray and Bulbous-Headed
PORTLAND, ORE. - Dozens of witnesses have reported an individual identifying as “a local confirmed human of Earth” this week around the...
Staff Writer
Apr 4
Scientists Reveal Eclipse Is Actually Alien Spaceship
WASHINGTON - This month’s much-anticipated solar eclipse is actually an unidentified object of unknown origin, piloted by...
Staff Writer
Mar 29
Extraterrestrial Being Spotted in Fairview
FAIRVIEW, ORE. - Residents of Fairview were leery but ultimately not surprised this week when a flying disc from another galaxy was...
Staff Writer
Mar 29
Alien Ship Passes Smog Test With Ease
CHICAGO - Extraterrestrials recently arriving in the area expressed surprise when they learned their flying disc would need to pass an...
Staff Writer
Mar 29
Government Finally Releases Images of Area 51 Aliens
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - A commission of top-ranking officials from several agencies, including NASA, the NSA, and the Department of...
Staff Writer
Mar 29
Abduction Victim Unimpressed by UFO Interior
SOMEWHERE OVER EARTH - An abductee expressed disappointment in the aesthetics of the flying disc that beamed her up over the weekend,...
Staff Writer
Mar 29
6 in 10 Extraterrestrials Prefer Chicago Style Pizza
CHICAGO - In a polarizing result being claimed as a victory by all sides, a recent survey found that 6 in 10 extraterrestrial beings...
Staff Writer
Mar 29
Flying Object Refuses to Show ID
CHICAGO - A flying object passing through area skies last night caught the attention of hundreds of people downtown when it refused to be...
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